After almost 15 months of blissful marriage I feel like I still don't know much about it. Maybe someday that will change?
The other day after a manboy at school told me
"Liz, you don't need to look good anymore you're off the market"
and I told him
"I do need to look good if I want to stay off the market"
I got to thinking...what do I need to do to not just stay off the market but have a happy, fulfilling, uplifting, progressive marriage? And what have I learned about it all so far?
I turned to my teacher who is recently divorced (looking back this might have been rude and probably made him feel awkward) and asked what his advice was for someone who was looking to stay married.
He said what a lot of people will tell you.
"Always work on communication"
SO I started thinking. There was a time in my life when I considered myself a HORRIBLE communicator. After that there was a time in my life when I thought I was a rock star when it came to communication. This short period of time came after the realization that God wants all his sons and daughters to communicate with each other if he wants us to communicate with him.
CURRENTLY I consider myself a work in progress. Turns out when you're upset communication is hard. Chase and I don't even yell or anything when we're upset. It is just so hard to not come up with a reason (even if its just in my head) why Chases point even if it is a good point...may not be the best point (the best point of view being my own of course).
Do you think it is easy to have good communication if you will not completely open up your heart to what your spouse is saying and feeling? I am here to tell you that it is not easy, and maybe not even possible.
Communication even when you are not upset still takes effort. I have learned though that the effort that it takes is completely worth it.
I have also learned that it is so important to be easy to love.
Don't get confused here...Chase loves me even when I am being difficult. The fact that he proposed to me is evidence of that. BUT I have found that when Chase does the dishes after dinner, organizes closets, vacuums, shaves his face, etc is it much much easier to love him.
SO after reading proper feeding of husbands and some intense trial and error I figured out that when I choose to be happy and make sure Chase knows it, bust out the pots and pans and actually cook and meal, keep my crazy inside, and pack a lunch for him now and then Chase returns the favor and does double the amount of nice things for me that I did for him.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PROCESS.
Finally it is important to keep an eternal perspective. (just in general for life really)
The other day I was distraught because I wanted to go bungee jumping this weekend and it didn't work out. At the same time Chase was distraught because he felt like school was punching him in the throat over and over and over again (don't worry Chase is managing to do well in all of his classes). In the middle of our pity party Chase looked and me and said.
"Liz, why are we so upset? we have so many blessings...we are in a situation that very very few people are in. We have so many things going for us right now and both of these things do not affect us at all even a little bit in the long run."
Holy guacamole I love this man.